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Joke of the Day

"You might have heard this one. I confided in my gf: ""sometimes I can be pretty full of myself."" Gf replies: ""sometimes I'm pretty full of you too."""

"I'm at my most ""floor manager"" when I'm falling down drunk."

"My friends and I were trying to decide which award winning drama TV show we should watch It came down to the wire."

"What do you call a cat that torrents movies? A copy cat."

"Q. ""Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?"" A. ""Because sheep would be too obvious"""

"Where does one drown a hipster? In the mainstream."

"Me: No, you hang up first Pizza Hut: *click*"

"I wrote a limerick on a train yesterday There once was a fella named Rick Who started to date this hot chick But brief was romance For tucked in her pants This bitch the whole time had a dick."

"Anxiety: making it impossible to tell the difference between a minor problem and a catastrophe since the development of the frontal lobe!"

"Ever heard of the 68 position? You go down on me now and I'll owe you one."