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Joke of the Day

"You might have heard this one. I confided in my gf: ""sometimes I can be pretty full of myself."" Gf replies: ""sometimes I'm pretty full of you too."""

"I apologize and Im sorry mean the same thing... Except when you're at a funeral."

"Barry decided that because he had talked himself out of suicide every other day, today he would do it. Poor fucker always did take opposite day a bit too seriously."

"(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide"

"Tits man or arse man? ""Tits man or arse man?"" I was asked. I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names."

"Sometimes when I'm puking I worry I might be pregnant then I remember I'm not Mary And that requires sex Then I laugh And keep puking"

"What is musical and handy in the supermarket. A Chopin Lizst."

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me? - Joan of Arc"

"Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?"

"Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ""concentrate""! "