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Joke of the Day

"I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone"

"Is it too early to make jokes about 9/11? Yes, you should wait 5 more days!"

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"A wife gets naked... ...and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'"

"(On phone) Him: I just ran a marathon in under four? Me: (eating) months or years?"

"You play World of Warcraft AND Leage of Legends? Wow, lol."

"What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender? A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object."

"NASA found methane on Mars! Proving once again that no matter how ancient a civilization is, it's farts that truly endure."

"What is the difference between michael jackson,and neil armstrong... neil armstrong was the first man to walk on the MOON,and michael jackson likes to fuck little boys in the ass."

"If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window."