149662

Joke of the Day

"If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window."

"Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said ""bc time killed the dinosaurs."" My kids are never leaving home are they"

"David Cameron didn't do much as the Prime Minister of the UK But Theresa May."

"How much did the pirate farmer charge for his corn? [](/party)A buck-an-ear!"

"For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today."

"If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, then why can't he fix my marriage"

"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot."

"According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week."

"Why do I love putting down kids without parents? Cause endorphins make me feel good."

"There's a big difference between seminary school and semenary school."