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Joke of the Day

"A robber runs out of a store with a stolen TV. The blonde cashier runs after him yelling, ""Wait, you forgot the remote!"""

"My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing"

"What do you call someone who breaks a plate and then apologizes? Dishrespectful..."

"My mate with Tourettes was cured after walking into a Gay Bar ""Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!"" He shouted.... He's not said a word since..!!"

"Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken!"

"If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken."

"What is the difference between a JCB and a giraffe? One has hydraulics the other has high bolics."

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"[First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best"

"Give a girl a slutty costume and she'll whore around for one night. Give her a bad education and she'll whore around forever."