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Joke of the Day

"Give a girl a slutty costume and she'll whore around for one night. Give her a bad education and she'll whore around forever."

"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away... If you're a good enough thrower!"

"What do Brussels sprouts and pubic have in common? You push them to the side and keep eating"

"""Why did Sally fall off the swings?"" ""Because she has no arms."" ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Not Sally. Because she has no arms. """

"Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place."

"Why did the unicycle win the race? Because the bicycle was two tired."

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,""Help, they've turned me into a parrot."" you are wasting everybody's time."

"Why did Blacula get kicked out of a Yale Halloween party? The party was for ""Wights only."""

"I love palindromes that use made up words Sdrow pu edam esu taht semordnilap evol I"