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Joke of the Day

"After watching how stressful it was for Clark Kent's dad, I don't know if I could adopt a kid from a blown-up planet."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Hot and all over my crotch. Edit: My highest rated post is about coffe on my crotch."

"What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line!"

"The president of Nintendo has died. The ambulance went Wii U Wii U Wii U"

"I'll have a club sandwich on rye. Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion"

"Son, who is that German guy who keeps hiding things in our house? Alzheimer, granpa."

"Shoulder blades sound way more awesome than they are."

"Did you hear about the sarcastic washing machine? It takes the piss out of your knickers."

"If a pilot can't get it up during takeoff Is it called projectile dysfunction?"

"Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me."