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Joke of the Day

"GF - What's that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?"

"yes lassie? ""bark"" Timmy's in the well and you pissed in my slippers and you told me about Timmy first so I wouldn't get mad ""bark"" smart"

"I'm quite confident that the reason i'm single Is because i didn't forward that chain letter in 2008"

"Yo Momma so Fat When she met Stevie Wonder backstage. He was like ""Who brought a goddamned bouncy castle in here!"""

"So embarrassing -- I was scrolling thru an ex's old photos and accidentally liked one & then called her & told her I still love her & cried"

"An Irishman, An Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"I hate trying to wipe my ass without my glasses on I can't see shit"

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to screw in the bulb and one to hold the ~~cock~~ ~~father~~ LADDER"

"So I hear they're building a new Cloud City... In orLANDO Florida."

"Why is the Computer D Drive always sad? D:"