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Joke of the Day

"My uncle died from a turtle stampede. It was a slow death."

"Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they're talking?"

"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""

"Why don't we hear cannibal jokes anymore? Because after they ate the clowns, nothing is funny."

"Field testing has shown that coworkers are most likely to enter my office 8-11 seconds after I fart."

"[OC] So did you hear about that harbour in Brazil that was infested with birds? I guess you could call it a Port-o-Geese."

"People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?"

"Four is equal to five Theorem: 4 = 5 Proof: -20 = -20 16 - 36 = 25 - 45 4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5 4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4 (4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2 4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2 4 = 5"

"Whenever I see an adorable service dog and I know I can't pet it, the greatest internal struggle of my life begins anew"

"How do you capture a polar bear? 1. Dig a hole in the ice. 2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole 3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole."