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Joke of the Day

"Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger"

"Why do ducks have big flat feet? To stamp out forest fires."

"And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head. He'd tried to hang himself with a rubber band."

"A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""Five drinks please!"""

"I broke up with this cross eyed girl... I thought she was seeing someone else."

"My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, ""I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."""

"What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'? ssh bby is ok"

"""Bye, losers."" *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* ""Can you push the button for the lobby please."""

"Did you hear about the swingers.. that got kicked out of the swap meet?"

"If anyone asks, I'm drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project."