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Joke of the Day

"If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety."

"You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing"

"Dave walks on a Sandi beach and says Hey it's me! lol gets me every time."

"When ever someone asks me how I'm able to insult people so well..... I say ""I'm German, roasting people is what I do..."""

"Your body is a temple. Congrats on the expanding congregation!"

"What do you call a police officer who has just finished masturbating? Pulled pork!"

"A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded ""I don't post pictures of my food online"" and I think she believed me."

"OPEN UP THIS IS THE COPS What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]"

"Did you hear about the guy who won the Nobel for inventing time travel to the future? He was ahead of his time."

"Maxim's Hot 100 List is bogus. Some of those girls look WAY younger than 100."