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Joke of the Day

"Excuse me - can you tell me the way to the Staten Island Ferry? Thpeaking."

"Why do Germans make such good cars? To try and make up for the Holocaust."

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine."

"I would like to think money won't change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil."

"Good news! I'm not a 30 year old virgin anymore! Happy birthday to me!"

"What gets whiter as it gets dirtier? Michael Jackson!"

"Let me tell you the funniest joke I know... Hold on for update, I'm on mobile. edit: forgot the joke"

"What do you call a masterbating cow? Beef stroganoff"

"What is the worst joke in philosophy? One that kant be repeated."