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Joke of the Day

"Why haven't they installed a mirror on cars that only covers your blind spot?"

"Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult."

"I watched a comedian called Paul Jones the other day. He was Appauling!"

"How does Voldemort seal his mail? With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)"

"When someone yells ""STOP!"" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen."

"Newark International Airport: You want urine on the floor? We got urine on the floor!"

"What did the dog say when he was sick. Barf! barf!"

"(Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster."

"What did the midget get when he ran under the strippers legs? A flap in the face."

"I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it. So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to."