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Joke of the Day

"Of all the possible utensils you can use to eat rice... ...how the fuck did two sticks win?"

"I used to go fishing with Skrillex... but he kept dropping the bass :("

"If it lasts 4 hours I'm not only callin a Dr, I'm callin everybody!!"

"Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris."

"The worst time to hear I told you so is when you end up saying it to yourself."

"Priest: Marriage lasts until death. You're not married in heaven. Me: Why not? Wife: Then we'd be in hell."

"When the crooked hamburger took it on the 'lamb' where did it go? Oh 'ewe' know!"

"In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014"

"*gets down on 1 knee* OMG *puts 2nd knee down* WHAT? *lays on floor* JIM? *snake noises* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *slithers out of relationship*"

"What gets wetter the more you dry it? A woman with a towel fetish"