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Joke of the Day

"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"The older I get, the more I watch Ferris Bueller and root for him to get caught."

"[First date] ""Ok. Don't let her know you're just 40 squirrels in human clothes"" ""You said that out loud"""

"You what the opposite of premature ejaculation is? Ejacu-late"

"How man nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter."

"Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall."

"This guy next to me thinks I'm flirting, but really I'm just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas"

"Thanks to Twitter I can tell people I read."

"Searched for a PI service in my area... Got a delicious apple in the correct geometric shape, but didn't really help me figure out who my wife was cheating on me with..."

"I'm much better at organizing my thoughts on Reddit than I am IRL After all, most of my comments here just have the one point."