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Joke of the Day

"Searched for a PI service in my area... Got a delicious apple in the correct geometric shape, but didn't really help me figure out who my wife was cheating on me with..."

"[doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks"

"What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather."

"A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: ""You must be single."" The man answers: ""Wow, how did you know?"" Cashier: ""Because you're ugly."""

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"Wanna hear a joke? You!"

"What is the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Lukewarm."

"[at dave's who has like 9 dogs] me: ""what d'you call a fly with no wings"" dave: ""keith dont"" me: ""a WALK!"" [drowns in a tidal wave of dogs]"

"Why did the Hippy Drown? he was tooooo faaaaaaar oouuuuutttt maaaaaannnn"

"What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause."