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Joke of the Day

"Don't go around telling people what Teresa Ripoll is an anagram of before they've solved it. Spoiler alert"

"Long distance relationships almost never work out.. Because for example: The distance from Dallas TX to Chicago IL is 967.2 mi. The average penis size is 4 inches."

"The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said ""Can I have a word?"""

"Two introverts go to a bar. They leave immediately."

"What's r/jokes's favorite breakfast? A retoast with butter on top."

"A bird pooped on my head today...Am I gonna die? I mean, I'm kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone's day."

"baby moses: [crying] mum: ""why wont he stop"" dad: ""throw him in the river lol"" mum: ""okay"" this is from a book called the bible"

"Damn apple just donated a bunch of ipads to kids in africa The only app on it was ''Where's my water''"

"I met Michael J Fox yesterday... I was going to shake his hand but remembered it does that on its own."

"I believe in strict gun control [gun sneaks toward front door] Where do you think you're going at this hour? [gun hangs head & turns around]"