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Joke of the Day
"Two introverts go to a bar. They leave immediately."
Next Joke
"My new year celebration is Masturbating Couple's are enjoying their new year eve, friends are watching movies and I'm here still doing masturbating. Fuck yeah"
"DAD: Sorry it's not a pony, honey. Best I could do LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared"
"Don't make fun of Terry If he kills you, you would die of dissin' Terry"
"Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...? Failure to Lunch?"
"New Stephen King book! I hear that Stephen King is writing a new book dealing with the horrors of cat ownership. It's called Pffffffffft!"
"Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day"
"A leper man has sex with a hooker. Keep the tip, he says afterwards."
"What kind of bees make milk? Boobies"
"ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing."