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Joke of the Day

"It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, ""Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."""

"I farted in a room full of hipsters.. then watched them fight over who heard it first."

"Have you seen the new Broadway production about the dictionary? It's a great play on words."

"I only speak Spanish when bill collectors call"

"MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles* ME: that supposed to intimidate me? *his fingers start to glow like glowsticks* ME: k I'm scared but thats rad"

"What's the difference between a statesman and a politician? A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman."

"Why does the Egyptian god Ra own every Periodic Table? Because his name is on them."

"How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. But it takes the whole ER to get it out."

"Why aren't there any pedophiles in Japan? Because they learned what happens when you touch a little boy."

"I see, it's all coming back to me now... Said the blind man as he pissed into the wind."