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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !"

"Him: ...and I asked you out because you're smart and pret-WHY ARE YOU POKING ME WITH A STICK? Me: To see if you're real or if I'm just high"

"A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."

"Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson's family is off limits."

"Heard Prince changed his name... ...to, ""The Artist Formerly known as Alive""."

"Wanna hear something fucked up? When you find your dads wedding ring in your sister..."

"I just got fired for putting my penis in the pickle slicer at the restaurant where I work She only got docked a week's pay"

"Guys; if she stops responding to your messages for days, 100% of the time it's a technical problem. Keep trying."

"When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born."

"You look like something I'd draw with my left hand"