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Joke of the Day

"Just thinking. How many MILF'S are now GrandMILF's?"

"Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum; I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing..."

"The female praying mantis devours her male within minutes of mating, whereas ... the female human stretches it out over a lifetime!"

"There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones, But alas it twas in vein."

"No, I'm not telling my wife the reason we need a new blender is because I didn't remove the pit from the avocado, that's between us."

"You know what is going on in Ukraine? Donetsk, don't tell."

"me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice"

"Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking"

"Michael Schumacher. The second most damaging German fuckup in the French Alpines."

"A dolphin walks into a bar. Impossible, dolphins don't have legs."