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Joke of the Day

"I love my cat to bits. That's why I planted a C4 in her bed!"

"I just got a futuristic coffee maker. It was a ground-breaking development."

"""There's no I in TEAM,"" he yells. ""There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM,"" I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again."

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to fix the bulb and one to hold the penis. edit: LADDER I MEANT LADDER"

"I have an outstanding warrant for loitering. *I don't know why my brain thought this was the funniest joke to replay during my sleep this morning but it made me wake up giggling."

"whats better than a pile of dead babys two piles of dead babys and there is 1 in the middle of each piles and they have to eat there way out"

"I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won't talk to you anymore."

"4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there"

"What is a Nazi baker's secret ingredient? White Flour!"

"What did the otter say to his girlfriend? ""You are my significant otter."""