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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!"" Me: ""Thanks! I've been working out!"""

"Why did a pile of gravel go to jail? aggregated basalt"

"I don't know where you got your face from but i hope you have the receipt."

"Why was the Berlin Wall torn down? It didn't match with the Iron Curtains."

"Why didn't Mr. Clean's wife ever get pregnant? He comes in a bottle. - My grandma."

"if you can't handle me at my worst, you're probably that gutless Outback Steakhouse shift manager who called the cops on me last night"

"The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have."

"No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears."

"I know I'm gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up."

"What do you call a fish with no eye's? a fsh"