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Joke of the Day

"I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. White Good condition Reliable Cheap No evidence of rear end damage. Must See."

"I can't sleep; so I went out & got 2 donuts, glued them to my eyes, climbed up a tree & pretended I'm an owl."

"The teacher asked little Timmy why he brought his cat to school... He replied crying ""Because I heard daddy tell mommy that he was gonna eat that pussy when Timmy leaves for school today!"""

"Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad"

"Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it."

"What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie."

"New Study Suggests Drinking Coffee Is Good For Your Health. Wait, I Think We Did Good For Your Health Last Time. Bad For Your Health, Then"

"Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions? I do."

"Why didn't the hipster have HIV? He fucked Charlie Sheen before he was cool."

"My religious, conservative upbringing taught me that poor people are lazy and the rich are giving. Real life taught me the opposite."