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Joke of the Day

"Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it."

"Republicans say it's raining; Democrats say it's sunny. Rather than go outside and see for themselves, the media reports the controversy."

"Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet! Although most just grow 4."

"What has 16 balls and 3 pubic hairs? A sleepover at Michael Jacksons house"

"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet... ... and others wet themselves thinking no one would notice."

"I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series. It's called the ""Learning to Count"" trilogy."

"How many lead trumpets does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he just holds the light bulb up, and the world revolves around him."

"How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes."

"[""Platonic"" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????"

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I've got Dani Alves, Kompany, Vidic and Lahm."