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Joke of the Day

"Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad"

"My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge. I always thought those doors were just there for decoration."

"what do you call a gay sloth? Slow-mosexual"

"Det. Chick Pea at your service. What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another chickpea to death. Hummuscide Thank you, I'll let myself out..."

"The inventor of autocorrect has died... The inventor of autocorrect has died. I didn't even know he was I'll"

"What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle? There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math."

"""YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!"" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce."

"People who love Trump hate themselves. Or Mexicans."

"Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies? She was taken in by the coppers."

"A new musical artist... Another blond this time. Miranda Lambert"