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Joke of the Day

"Build-A-Bear won't let you stuff your animal with asbestos or bees so what's the point"

"Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock."

"They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I love my d*ck! I don't want it to be sliced off by the women I cheated on..."

"Rabbits in a row. What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A receding hare line."

"Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote."

"I went for an interview at a black smiths.. The black smith asked ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" I replied ""no, but i told a donkey to fuck off"""

"You know you've just had lunch with a narcissist when your neck is stiff from nodding."

"My 2-year-old ate the crust off her pizza but left the cheese and pepperoni untouched. Apparently I'm raising the Antichrist."

"What do /r/gonewild posters and cat owning redditors have in common? Both show pussy for karma."

"I think Bernie would win for sure if he had served in the military and reached the rank of Colonel And he would be sure to get the black vote."