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Joke of the Day

"Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people"

"Who the patron saint of surveillance? St Francis of a CCTV."

"Friend said I should try new KFC sandwich. I suggested we cut out the middleman & hook me up to an IV of chicken fat."

"Me: hey what's this weird lump? WebMD: could be cancer. Me: it's a raisin stuck to my elbow... WebMD: you have two weeks."

"What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ? Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?"

"A stripper once told me that I'm not her type. Um, yeah I am. I have a dick and 20 dollars."

"People think it's great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age. I like 10 year olds. See? Creepy. I'll wait in the van."

"How do you know when a politician is lying? When you see their lips moving!"

"i have learned nothing from everything and will continue to do so with zero responsibility and consequences"

"A joke I've been working on. So a guy dies in a car wreck. He wakes up waiting in a line labeled automotive accidents. The guy in front of him and says "" You from South Carolina too?"""