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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor? The foundation's been laid."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? an investigator."

"Serious question: can orphans watch PG movies? After all, they don't have parents..."

"There aren't enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim."

"Hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless."

"[after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!"

"If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter."

"Top 5 birth control methods 1. pills 2. hysterectomy 3. jean jackets 4. crocs 5. putting ketchup all over the fries instead of on the side"

"eer booze and fun!' 'Twenty-four hours in a day... twenty-four beers in a case... coincidence?"

"What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer? Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute."