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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? On a porcupine, all the pricks are on the outside!"

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"If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now."
"After decades of research scientists in Texas have discovered a new use for sheep! Wool!"
"BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy - planets only. PLUTO: I'm on the list. BOUNCER: Nope. *Jurassic World walks in* PLUTO: Oh you cannot be serious."
"Donald trump isn't a wight supremacist... he IS an orange supremasist"
"Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice.."
"You remind me of Monday... Because nobody likes you"
"Why did the guitarist get life in prison? He fingered a minor."
"Knock knock... Who's there?... Tank... Tank who?... You're welcome"
"Women are a lot like heroin. At first you're like, ""Oh geez, this is fun"" then eventually you die."
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