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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: what's going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven't had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing"

"The difference between shit and oh shit: A boy mistakenly sends a love letter to the brother's girlfriend. Shit! Girlfriend's brother happens to be lesbian. OH SHIT!!"

"[2016, cincinnati zoo. boy falls into the enclosure] other gorilla: something brought a boy to the yard harambe [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"Cat: I think i have a rash. Doctor Dog: WE SHOULD AMPUTATE YOUR HEAD"

"Did you hear about the argument between a fire and the sun? It got really heated."

"What do you call a painter with a brown finger? Picasso"

"I'm a bisexual who just broke up and is now single. I guess you could say I'm on standbi."

"What's a cow's favorite form of entertainment? The moovies"

"*shaves 'I Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*"

"What do you call a slow transgender? Translate."