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Joke of the Day

"A hot chick asked me what was the difference between sex and conversation. I said ""let's lie down and talk about it"""

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"The Golden Globe goes to... Burrito ... for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary."
"If you really think about it, James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman tickling each other would be pretty much the greatest thing ever."
"Why do babies have to cry? Why couldn't they like, glow, or beep rhythmically to get our attention? Shitty babies..."
"There is rumor of a new ""Amish Flu"" out of Pennsylvania... the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy."
"With the decline of newspapers worldwide, staff in-house have been referring to the obituaries as the Subscriber Countdown"
"You are dark and handsome; When it's dark,you are handsome."
"[Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together"
"The fattest man in Britain has sadly died. Cremation will be held at 12PM on Wednesday..... and Thursday..... and Friday."
"I spend 90% of my time online waiting for password reset emails"