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Joke of the Day

"[Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together"

"If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide?"

"Your momma... Your momma is so fat when she gets into the elevator it HAS to go down"

"Can officially confirm that the way to a man's heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him."

"Yo mama's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner."

"Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve."

"Two scientists walk into a bar The first scientist orders H2O. The second scientist says ""Who the hell goes to a bar and orders water?"""

"i have claimed all of you on my taxes as a deduction so if someone else asks tell them it is too late"

"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? *She ran away from the ball.*"

"One of my ""100 things to do before you die"" would definitely be ""call an ambulance""."