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Joke of the Day

"[Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together"

"Only 2 kids made it out of my Jedi class. One killed the padawans. The other was abandoned in the desert I'm dreading that class reunion."

"A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk in to a bar. And he orders a drink."

"What did one sailor say to the other on Dec. 7 1941? There's a little nip in the air."

"9 yo: Hey dad, where is the rest of that ladies bikini? Me: That is actually called a G-string, son. 9: Oh, does the ""G"" stand for gross?"

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? It's white and on their land."

"NFL catch rules are absurd. ""Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."""

"Excuse me, you with the heels that make your calves perfect, designer dress that accentuates your curves.... You have lettuce in your teeth"

"How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know either, I walked out early too."

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet."