172016

Joke of the Day

"""I'm a feminist,"" he said wanttogetintoyourpantsingly."

"Who broke into the tampon factory? (warning: offensive) Some bloody cunt."

"I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.... Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own? Because it's too tired."

"The girl at the table next to me is having a salad. Not as a starter, but as a main course like some kind of rabbit."

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."

"What is brown and sounds like a bell? Dung."

"(Halloween Costume Shop) ME: *leaving after not finding anything* CASHIER: *pointing to my face* Those masks aren't free, buddy."

"What looks like half a cat ? The other half !"