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Joke of the Day

"I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.... Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake."

"Dorothy: We have to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz Toto: OK but I wouldn't make a song and dance about it Dorothy: [inhaling] Toto: FFS"

"Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself."

"The embarrassment when you wake up to find your panties hanging from a chandelier and think, how did I end up in a place with a chandelier?"

"My wife made a good point yesterday."

"Outkast: Ok now ladies! Me: Yeah??! OK: I wanna see y'all on your baddest behavior! Me: *slowly incurs $18.37 in overdue library fees*"

"Why did the hillbilly cross the road? His dick was in the chicken"

"Bartender, I'd like you to bring that brunette at the end of the bar a slice of your finest ham."

"Don't necessarily nominate me for sainthood, but I just gave a VERY ugly woman directions."