172877

Joke of the Day

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special."

"Colonel Mustard. In the kitchen. Eating soup. Calm down."

"Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets."

"Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance"

"Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion? Because he was a slave to the cistern!"

"My hamster died... He fell asleep at the wheel."

"I used to only listen to classical music... ...but now I think outside of the Bachs."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years... Come on guys, I don't have 2021 vision! Oh wait...."

"Life is like a box of chocolates It really sucks if you have diabetes"

"Don't worry, husbands. If something should happen to you, your wife already has the next one lined up."