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Joke of the Day

"Just ate two bacon cheeseburgers, so if anyone wants to come rob me, I won't be getting up."

"wherever this dart lands is where I'll take a trip to *throws dart and it lands on Hogwarts poster* oh, well this is going to be difficult"

"I've got a great joke about solipsism... But why should I tell you?"

"What vocation can transform anything into a gate? A reporter."

"Did you mean pacific or specific? Cuz seriously, one is an ocean."

"My dad always told me to treat women like flowers. So I tore my girlfriend apart limb by limb to find out whether or not she loved me."

"I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEBODY WOULD BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-oh, never mind, I found it..."

"When cats are sad... Bartender: ""What can I get you?"" Cat: ""Shot of tequilla."" *Bartender pours it.* *Cat slowly pushes it off the bar.* Cat: ""I'll have another."""

"Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy."

"""Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist."" And they say romance is dead"