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Joke of the Day

"Me and my flat-chested wife went to see a marriage counselor. The counselor said, ""What seems to be the problem?"" ""Well"", I said%"

"What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him."

"54% of IKEA purchases end in divorce."

"*gets first nose bleed since childhood* Apparently our periods have synced, can I have some Midol and a tampon?"

"me: annie are you ok so annie are you ok are you ok annie (X5) girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic"

"I can count on one hand the number of times I've visited Chernobyl... it's 14"

"Everyone says soda is bad for you... but OJ will kill you."

"I found my inner self today... I am never buying cheap toilet paper ever again."

"Therapist: How's your narcissism? Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* [opens window] HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"""

"Did you hear about the laptop RAM that was raped and had no memory of it? They say it was SO-DIMMy."