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Joke of the Day

"Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter. (Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)"

"No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it ""Stool Sample."""

"Our new IT guy moved here from Australia... He comes from a LAN down under."

"If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting"

"Called a plumber out the other day. He was Chinese. Called a builder, he was also Chinese. Called an electrician out. He was Chinese as well ! Bloody Yellow Pages"

"The most attractive thing about you is your gravity."

"John Cena woke up from a coma John Cena: Where am I? Nurse: ICU John Cena: No you don't. Edit: double enter"

"Sexually and mentally confused white bear Bipolar bear"

"Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon. Neil before him. Neil."

"Mom I forgot. Am I special or unique? No son. You're retarded."