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Joke of the Day

"Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter. (Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)"

"me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying"

"What does a cow like to do by a campfire? Roast Moosmallows!"

"I always mean what I say. Sometimes, I didn't mean to say it out loud."

"What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal."

"I lost out at the S&M; Awards, but it was an honor just to be dominated."

"My boss is currently shopping for quarter million dollar homes. Meanwhile, I'm over here deciding if I really need to spend $2 on lunch."

"""How many people work at your company?"" About half of them."

"Before I watch any new network comedy, I say to myself ""This better be filled with diversity."""

"I'm not trying to be mean, but... I'm pretty average."