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Joke of the Day

"When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt"

"I'm so hungry I could eat this piece of paper. *adds salt to resume*"

"Women are too sensitive. My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father."

"The NRA will now be arming fetuses in utero so that they can defend themselves against abortions"

"If I have three bags of sour skittles and a child steals one bag of my sour skittles. What will I have at the end of the day? Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide."

"I just sold adderal to a guy who thinks its viagra! Ahh, he'll thank me later."

"Mormon women Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29? Because 30 is too many!"

"What television show best describes a mothers virginity? Lost"

"Did you hear about the perverted statistician? Standard deviation wasn't enough for him anymore..."

"Teacher My teacher pointed to me with the ruler and said ""There is an idiot at the end of the ruler"" I got suspended for asking which end! :P"