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Joke of the Day

"Most Fascinating Part of the Body I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body but then i realized ""pssssh, look what's telling me that"""

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts"

"A morbid joke If serial killers kill people in series, are suicide bombers parallel killers?"

"[Shipwrecked diary] Day 1: I found a pen, and a notebook to write in. More pens. I might be in a Staples. Printer paper. I'm in a Staples."

"What did one fish say to the other during the race? I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!"

"SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!"

"What's the difference between god and an engineer God doesn't walk around thinking he's a fuckin engineer. (Told to me by a millwright)"

"Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much."

"The Energizer Bunny got arrested the other day... He was charged with battery"