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Joke of the Day

"So, in light of CISA becoming a law, I give you this joke about governments trampling people's rights: [Deleted by NSA]"

"""Dad, am I adopted?"" ""No. We haven't found anybody who wants you yet."""

"I hold my iPhone up outside your window to play our song. A 90 second ad plays first."

"No offense, but I'd only circle half the globe to be with you."

"How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs? He was delighted."

"Local singles in your area are asexually reproducing through cytokinesis. Local singles are becoming local doubles, quadruples."

"Are you a magician?? Because you're making my penis levitate."

"Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt."

"Friends are like snow flakes. If you pee on them they go away."

"If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this."