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Joke of the Day

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"a neanderthal scrawls a message on a cave wall, the etchings begin to glow red as he exceeds 140 characters"

"How do you tell a British guy that it's his turn to play ball? ""Europe"""

"My girlfriend stormed off after she accused me of cheating and I denied it. But no, I really wasn't fucking anyone named Sirius."

"Police officers are really sore losers when you race them"

"I heard there are hillbillies dressing up as clowns and threatening people... They call themselves the Ku Klux Klown"

"What kind of bear is best? One that gets you an oscar"

"Did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog"

"I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like...it's working out.I think I'm the one."

"What do singers get during their periods? Minstrel cramps."