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Joke of the Day

"I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts"

"You know when you get that urge to eat something just because it's there? Anyway, I lost my job as a gynaecologist today."

"A woman at Wal-mart said she was better than me. I told her to get off her high scooter."

"How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house. Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can't keep up!"

"What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Punch her"

"Me: *ziplines into wedding* ""Sup nerds?"" *pants get caught and tear off leaving me dangling naked upside down* Priest: ""Ooh a pinata!"""

"Mega thread for Pen Pineapple Apple Pen Jokes. I have a Plane, I have Twin Towers UGH.... Nine Eleven. I think Reddit can come up with better ones!"

"""Kumail. Kumail. K. U. M. No. M. Just write Jason."" - me right after ordering coffee"

"What's a Pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty"

"What do you call a man who is too proud of his balls ? Ego-Testicle."