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Joke of the Day

"Bad Gun! Bad Gun!....Shame on you for making criminals do those bad things!.......And then those Forks that are making me Fat!!!"

"One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I'm going to visit."

"Did it hurt when you were circumcised? I don't remember the pain but I couldn't manage to walk for a year after."

"What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink? Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!"

"I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected."

"Curiosity got sent to mars as punishment. As punishment for killing Schrodinger's cat."

"What did the native american say the first time he saw a bicycle? Wow, white folks are pretty smart. They run sitting down. *Feel free to apply the racist native american accent of your choice.*"

"Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with."

"A surgeon was put on trial for sewing several people's genitals to their faces. When asked why he would commit such a heinous crime he replied ""Eh, just to fuck with their heads."""

"I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now"