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Joke of the Day

"What did the native american say the first time he saw a bicycle? Wow, white folks are pretty smart. They run sitting down. *Feel free to apply the racist native american accent of your choice.*"

"What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? Depth perception."

"Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes."

"I have a rare mental condition that makes me see a gold next to my submit on reddit Edit: Thanks for the gold!"

"If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser."

"They say best friends are hard to find: well that's cause the best ones are already mine...:)"

"What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy? ""I wish his hands were made of stone."""

"TIL sperm donors are paid $50 per donation. It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers."

"I usually prefer buffets to a la carte restaurants. Someone once asked me if I enjoyed Italian restaurants, and I said, I prefer Italiacan restaurants."

"I'm glad chocolate bars come with resealable packages, so I can eat half now, and the other half 1 minute from now."