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Joke of the Day

"How big of a difference is there between the male and female reproductive system? There's a vas deferens."

"Did you hear the joke about the dance? The punchline wasn't funny."

"Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised."

"My neighbors wifi isn't working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?"

"When I see something funny on the internet, I don't usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual."

"If you need your iPhone repaired in Jerusalem, you obviously go to the Genius Bar. There, they don't serve alcohol..., ....but there's plenty of Apple Jews."

"Why shouldn't you be friends with a broken clock? Because it won't even give you the time of day."

"why do they call them light bulbs? they don't weigh very much"

"I can type 600 words per minute but none of them makes any sense"

"A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind."