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Joke of the Day

"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet."

"What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. J.k, rolling."

"What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd I'll^see^myself^out"

"I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien."

"Apparently a dog whistle in inaudible to the human ear. Just think, my pet could be sitting in front of me whistling a tune and I can't hear a thing."

"Today is Steve Irwin day... Good ol' Steve, he even died with animals in his heart."

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a canoe? A canoe tips."

"I went to McDonald's yesterday and said, ""I'd like some fries"" The girl at the counter said, ""Would you like some fries with that?"""

"I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon."

"Have you heard about the insomniac polymath? She could do ALMOST everything with her eyes closed."