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Joke of the Day

"How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time? Quantum Mechanics."

"My answering machine message: ""I have caller ID, please don't leave a message, I will not be returning your call."" No beep, just a foghorn."

"So here i am sitting at a bar when a beat up blonde walks in. She ran into many bars."

"I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... fcuking livid"

"[at my comedy central roast after every joke] That's not true"

"What do you call a feminist manager. Miss. Management."

"Why don't lesbians make good cooks? They're always eating out."

"You never realize what have till its gone........ Toilet paper is a good example of this."

"I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote."