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Joke of the Day

"Half Life 3 was going to be released several years ago... ...But the voice actor for Gordon Freeman was supposed to announce it, and no-one can find him."

"Your Mommas so fat... (physics joke) Because she went light speed. Explanation: Physicists theorize that as speed increases, mass increases and at light speed, mass becomes infinite."

"Me: *stumbles in front of boss at work* Boss: haha have a nice trip, see you in the fall Me: *takes 8 month vacation*"

"Did you hear about the man who bought a bucket load of Tipp-ex last week? Big mistake."

"Warning: a punny joke What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"A man walks into a library and asks the Mexican librarian which section would have information about Guppies. The librarian answers... ""Microfiche""."

"How do you catch a rabbit? Sit in a field and make carrot noises."

"I'm trying to ignore the subway mariachi band that's ruining my commute, but I should have refused to carpool with them in the first place."

"Joke of the Day 6/13/14 I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair."

"What type of stories do cocaine addicts write? Snort stories"