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Joke of the Day

"My dad said he couldn't get into Game of Thrones because he doesn't like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching Fox News."

"A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another shopper walked up to it and started talking. Didn't I see you on a TV commercial? How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?"

"I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today... The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him ""I don't care what starsign it is."""

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"Once you hit the speed of light... Once you hit the speed of light, you have infinite mass. So you know what? That's my problem: I'm not fat, I'm fast."

"A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald's."

"My stats teachet said I was just average What a mean thing to say"

"The only thing Bill Cosby did wrong was pudding. ...pudding his dick where it doesn't belong."

"It's okay if ""buoyancy"" makes you happy -- whatever floats your boat."

"Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque."